• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
eyes and hour
  • Recipes Index
  • Shop
  • Reading List
  • Free Guide
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Twitter
menu icon
go to homepage
search icon
Homepage link
  • All recipes
  • Shop
  • Reading List
  • Free Guide
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Twitter
  • ×
    Home » All recipes » The Secret to Finding the Best Gift Ever: A what-not-to-do guide for the indecisive, ultra-sensitive perfectionist

    The Secret to Finding the Best Gift Ever: A what-not-to-do guide for the indecisive, ultra-sensitive perfectionist

    Published: Dec 16, 2018 · Modified: May 12, 2021 by Matt · This post may contain affiliate links · 2 Comments

    6:00 a.m. Dinka-dinka-dinka-dink dong dong, dinka-dinka-dinka-dink dong dong,

    dinka-dink-

    Obnoxious iPhone alarm clock off–

    Shrish-, shrish-. Open the curtains to another day.

    Ugh.

    Eghh, that’s bright.

    As soon as I’m done with the thirty-second job of making my bed, I’ve learned to put on my ear muff headphones to drown out the negative chatter in my brain.

    On Monday morning, I start out on YouTube with Madonna’s Hung Up followed by Kylie Minogue Can’t Get You Out of My Head before the incessant voice in my head remembers anything positive to say about the day.

    Oh yeah, no meeting today.
    You ungrateful jerk- look out the window. It’s gorgeous outside.
    Ooh, a shirt with no wrinkles.

    Weekend mornings are a lot easier. Waking up to the same ringtone, dinka-dinka-dong dong, set two hours later- sometimes there’s a foggy delay before I remember it’s Saturday.

    Mmm, it’s peanut butter day. (I eat spoonfuls of peanut butter every Saturday morning.)
    Ahhh, green tea.
    Ooh, what do I feel like watching on YouTube?

    But yesterday, post morning routine on a Saturday, I didn’t eat lunch until after 3:30.

    Note that I’ve been by myself with my thoughts all day until this time. Past saturation point for green tea and peanut butter, I’m standing five steps back at the street corner overthinking which direction I should walk to get some lunch.

    buying present, perfectionist

    The crossing man turns green and then red again. The hungrier and low energy I get, the more indecisive I become. Earlier in the day, I was shopping for a birthday present for my girlfriend, which is why lunch is so late.

    She wants a ring.

    Admittedly, I’m afraid to ask her what her ring size is because of what happened last time, and the feelings I felt.

    Trying to keep it a surprise, I first tried asking her mom…

    That was a mistake.

    When it comes to birthday present shopping for her, I’m borderline ‘someone who needs a serious talking to’ perfectionist. It has to be a gift that excites me. The bar I set is high. And not knowing her ring size keeps me in a circling pattern of indecisiveness and hesitation to buy.

    Should I just buy like a size 10 and then she can get it adjusted?
    What if her size is out of the + – 2 adjustment range?

    I should wait.

    Should I get the more expensive one so she knows I love her?
    Will she feel embarrassed to wear it because it looks too much like an engagement ring but it’s not?

    I should wait.

    I’ve been to the same jewelry stores three weekends in a row. I’ve seen hundreds of rings and I don’t know which one she’d like. No idea, and it’s stressing me out.

    I know, it’s fear.

    It’s perfectionism.

    It’s people pleasing.

    It’s disgusting.

    Matt, look in the mirror and own it.

    I’m afraid of giving her a present she doesn’t like and feeling rejected.

    I’m afraid of losing love.

    At least now I know why I’m feeling depressed on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, the prime time I look forward to all week long. To tell you the truth, I’ve probably repeated this cycle of living for the weekend, only to feel mildly depressed and lonely once it arrives, for a couple of years.

    Before I wasn’t even aware that negative self-talk was a thing. I’d assumed that it was just me, that it was my problem that I overthink everything, that I can’t shut off my inner voice, that I inherited a predisposition for being anxious from my grandpa, and all the other narratives I’ve told myself over and over again for years.

    Well, today is the day I change:

    First, stop taking yourself seriously all the time. Dude, chill out! Laugh at yourself for once, you doorknob!

    I’m talking to myself. As you know, I do that.

    Breathe. You are ok. I’m going to be ok. And just because your brain is talking to you now, it doesn’t mean you have to listen.

    That afternoon, prior to finally choosing the ring, I had my ear muff headphones on, listening to different people talk about the ‘Law of Attraction’ on YouTube. I think it was the compilation with Denzel Washington, Jim Carrey, Steve Harvey, and Oprah. You can search for it. Earl Nightingale is one I listen to repeatedly.

    The ding– alarm in my crazy brain went off. Dinka-dinka dong dong. I woke up and realized that this whole time, like most of the month of May, I’d been thinking about what I didn’t want to happen,

    the situations I wanted to avoid,

    the things I feared.

    Because I was focusing on avoiding failure, all the bad things that could happen, I wasn’t getting a positive outcome.

    The Law of Attraction, briefly and simply stated by Earl Nightingale: “If you think in negative terms, you will get negative results. If you think in positive terms, you will achieve positive results.”

    I was completely unaware of how my thinking was based on fear, until the curtains opened, shrish- shrish-, and the misty clouds of brain fog parted.

    buying present, perfectionist

    After the second I changed my thinking, it felt like everything magically unfolded in front of me to work out in my favor.

    PS. After listening to YouTube and writing the first draft of this, I got the guts to call her to ask what her ring size is. The decision in my mind was made. Just before that, I went a year back through our chat messages on my iPhone to look for the picture of a ring she thought was cute. Right underneath the ring picture, like two green text bubbles below, was her ring size. Size 9.

    Some words of advice about rings to help out someone who’s not really into jewelry like me:

    They’re all sparkly and look pretty, and pretty much the same. I chose one that I knew she would like and went home.

    And she loved it.

    It fit perfectly.

    Reader Interactions

    Comments

    1. Mikie O’Shea

      December 17, 2018 at 11:24 am

      I enjoyed that read Matt. Keep them coming.

      Reply
      • Matt

        December 27, 2018 at 12:35 am

        Thanks for reading my post, Mikie! And for your comment!

        Reply

    Leave a Reply Cancel reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    Recipe Rating




    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

    Primary Sidebar

    Welcome to Eyes and Hour!

    Hi, I'm Matt. Welcome to Eyes and Hour - a blog about healthy food in Japan - got its name, thanks to a seven-year-old girl (who still has no idea to this day).

    Get my new book! (free)

    The Healthy Snacker's Guide to Japan

    Popular posts

    • takoyaki recipe
      Takoyaki Recipe– Gluten-free, Keto, Low-carb
    • Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within
      Tony Robbins- the real deal?
    • tamagoyaki
      Tamagoyaki- Reshape your breakfast, your fry pan, and your body with these Japanese rolled omelettes
    • taiyaki recipe
      A New Taiyaki Recipe: Gluten-free, Grain-free, and Low Carb
    • ajitama soy marinated with pepper on table
      Ajitama – How to make ramen egg for a snack or appetizer
    • natto recipe
      NATTO RECIPE FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE NATTO (YET)

    Footer

    SIGN UP TO GET MY BOOK FOR FREE!

    Get your comprehensive 62-page guide to healthy Japanese snacks free.

    Footer

    ↑ back to top

    About

    • Privacy Policy

    Newsletter

    • Sign Up! for free book

    Shop

    • Favorite items
    • Reading lists

    As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

    Copyright © 2021 Eyes and Hour